To B.

Dear B.

I know I said harsh things to you, but those were empty words that spurned from fear. Those are the things that were never you. I was scared for a reason, and yet I still chose to stay with you. But I made a mistake, yes I made a mistake. Not that I was wrong in choosing you, but the timing is wrong, for you met me at a time where my life is falling apart and I'm still picking up the pieces together. I love you, but I need to love myself first.

Love, B.

Is Anyone Out There?

I feel afraid. Uncertain if I am living my life the way I want to. Unsure if I made the right decisions, or if I am making a wrong ones. I am with someone great, but I still have doubts. Am I with the right person? Or is he one of those guys I meet before meeting the right one? I feel anxious, but when I look at the sky, suddenly I'm not so afraid anymore.

Is anyone out there?

Long Dark Road

Yeah, I am long, long gone and now I found my self back home. I've been trapped in this long dark road, fallen into bunny holes, stumbled to unfamiliar places, yet I found my self back to where I started. Yeah, a lot has happened since my last post but I can say I'm still very much my self. I've abandoned this blog because I grew tired of my own sick thoughts, but when I looked back, I realized that they are not sick at all, but beautifully broken. I missed the person behind all of them. I miss writing. So yeah! I'll be updating this blog again soon :) See you, Bai Iyah.

(Image Via Click Here )

Don't Wake Me Up.

Vacations. We all get excited when it comes. But now that it's here, what? I don't know what to do with it. So many places I want to visit, so many things I want to do, but I end up doing nothing.

Maybe I will spend my vacations sleeping.

Wake me up when 2010 ends.

HAPPY POST!

I've deleted some posts of mine because when I reread my blog, it sounded too sad. :| So I decided that it will be the last of it. I won't post here till something happy or interesting happens. But I won't wait. I will find it.

*Image credits to serialkiller

Love ain't.

I'm a little sad again. I guess once your heart falls to pieces it will be forever broken. Don't get me wrong. I'm not blaming love for making me feel this way (though it can't be helped). I've been this way since forever. AND I don't even know it. It's just that you never realize how broken you feel until something actually made you feel whole. But then when it's gone, that's when the reality kicks in. You're broken and there is nothing that can be fixed. They say time heals, but why am I still at the same place?

*Image credits to Sid

(Stuck) In The Middle Of Everything

Sometimes it sucks. You try to blend away from the crowd and you notice all the little things you wont notice when you are amongst them. Yes, it could be great from the start. You'll have a clearer view of things and a better perception. You see everyone's fault and learn from them. You have a good laugh at them when they stumble down. You don't stick to anyone's side. And also, you don't get too close to either of them. You just stand upright, right in the middle. That's when you noticed. You stand alone. You realized that when you laughed, no one laughed with you. The joke's on you, and they are laughing,but AT YOU and not with you. And now you're stuck. And you ask, how do I get out of here?



The holiday feeling is here. Same cold weather. Some rejoice, while others, this I don't get but feel more alone. Why? I think they should just celebrate. I invited some friends over, and maybe do some window shopping just for the heck of it. I don't want to be alone tonight. Not tonight.

Photo from Flikr

Let's Play Hooky.

I feel like skipping class today. I have a knack for it. The weather seem so beautiful that I would want to waste it trapped inside the four walls of a University. Gaaaaah. But I think I will show up in my next class 'cause I haven't showed up since. Good thing the professor is my friend (^-^)

Play hooky - v. to skip something (school, work)without permission or excuse. (^-^)

Run and get lost.

Morning. I love waking up early mornings. My class stars at 10am, and I have a lot of time to, uhh, procrastinate :-) I've trespassed my brothers' room downstairs and kinda hacked their personal computer and opened their i-tunes, and I'm having the time of my life listening to their music. Which makes me miss my Ipod. If you are close to me you probably think it is normal. Yes, I keep on losing important stuff :-( I lost it in our hometown, Japakan. I remembered still having it when my cousins and I went for a little walk outside. I bought with me my book and my Ipod, thinking I could find a place to relax, because it was hot inside. So we sat right outside the mosque. Several seconds later, these two goats came running around us. LOL! I freaked out 'cause it seems like they were about to get us. Anyway, I still had my Ipod with me that time, but I lost interest with the book I was holding so we decided to go around the mosque. When we got around the side, I panicked when I came face-to-face with one of the goats we saw earlier. My friend Yamani also panicked but they ran back towards the house, while I, run away into the backside and to my horror, the little, harmless goat ran towards me and started chasing me! I looked back and it was still chasing me as I run for my life! O.o I can't remember how I got away, all I know is I jumped down a not-so-low cliff and the goat disappeared. But still, I don't think I dropped my Ipod anywhere 'casue I still had it when we had merienda later that day :/ People come and go the place, and it's no doubt it got stolen. I'm a silly, silly girl.





Anyway, as I was browsing for songs earlier, I played this song which describes exactly how I feel when I am on my highest moods :)

The Time - Black Eyed Peas
So come on, let’s go
Let’s lose control
Let’s do it all night
‘Til we can’t do it no more’

Last night I was reflecting on my life, searching for answers and reasons why I felt alone most of the times when I read this. It goes something like, "when you feel alone, instead of doing something drastic or self-damaging, learn something from it and do something that will make you love yourself, instead of making you feel worthless. Find a path and stick to it." So maybe I shall start to follow that advice. And I actually did.

And it actually feels good. <3

Cure for loneliness.

As Joseph newton said, "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges"which is exactly true... The following is my favorite piece that inspires us to find out path and values in life:


Desiderata

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

"Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

"Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

"Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy."

Paano ba maging tama?

Ayaw ko na sundin ang tama kung ang kapalit nito ay hindi ka masaya. Oo. Corny, baduy, selfish, malandi na kung malandi. Pero totoo ito dahil ito ang nararamdaman ko. Ano nga ba ang tama? Paano mo masasabing ito o yan ang tama, kung hindi ka naman masaya? Mas pipiliin mo bang maging tama pero iniisip mo naman kung ano ang dapat na nangyari kung pinili mo yung "mali"? Ano nga ba ang tama sa mata ng diyos?


Sigurado ka bang magiging masaya ka sa huli kapag ang pinili mo ay yun tama?

<3