Does your insecurities make you look good?

I think too much it makes me sick. I don't trust people easily but I give my heart away too fast. How vague is that? I hate this feeling. I don't understand myself anymore. I love people but I never demand anything back. Why do I feel left out every time? I know I built a wall around me but I put a hole in it enough for you to get in. But why do I still feel alone? At this point I don't think I believe in romantic love anymore. I don't know if there will ever be anyone worth it. I don't trust anyone can take care of my heart. Not even me.

On a brighter note, I had fun being with my friends, T and L. Foods, laughter, and Stories really do lift my moods.






I maybe a little desperate in craving for company that being on my own again scares me to death. I do need a medication. Maybe a cure for loneliness? There are a lot of questions in my mind and I am never ending searching for answers. Maybe I'll sleep on it for today, if I can. Night.

Snip snip take a pic.

I cut my bangs because after I came from the Salon where they trimmed my hair, I wasn't very happy with the results. People told me that I look good with full bangs, but I always had my bangs on the side so I decided to try it. It won't hurt, right? So I used the scissors on my mom'm bathroom and even got scolded for it. I don't care. It's my hair anyway. So I started. Snip snip. I remembered my high school days, when I first learned to cut my bangs. The results were awful 'cause it gotten REALLY short. I looked like a geek. So I let it grow. The next time I did it, I was satisfied. Now for the third time, I can't explain what it looks. My brothers said, I look Japanese. Well that's a compliment, right? Well I don't look so bad myself , looking at the mirror. No major changes though. Maybe i'll post some pics later.

9/29/10. Happy and Alone.

Today I feel different. Difference is happiness, isn't it? For me, at least. I love the company of other people, but I also love being alone with myself. But I don't get it why I get terribly lonely sometimes, and I long for other people. Sometimes, I feel the need to be alone, away from others but at the same time, don't want to be completely left behind. Just thinking about it make me cringe. I guess it's accepting the fact that if they left, it means that there's no one that cares enough to stay. I drive people away, but it's when they do turned their backs on me, that I realize that I need their presence badly.

It's like looking at your own reflection in the mirror and you're freaked because suddenly, it walked away. And no one's left, but your original self.

Okay.

I made this blog for my thoughts because the other one is more like my desires or interests, in short, I will rant my hear out here. I miss blogging. I've been a writer since I was a kid, I kept a diary and update it almost everyday. But as I grew up I became busier (for the char) and I found out that others can easily access it so I might as well make one for the public and that's how I started blogging. My first blog was in friendster, thought I deleted it because I got pissed off and friendster declined. Anyway, when I met a friend who has a blog, I was inspired so I started my other blog, which my friend designed (I need to learn myself, though). But then I got conscious there because I feel like my posts can compete. LOL, I made THIS blog where I can rant the shit out of nothing. enjoy! *evil wicked smile*